Current Conditions - Jake & The Half Conched Band

I'm so sick of this weather!

HOUSTON, TX - The conditions here in Southeast Texas have been worse than ever, lately. It's cold, it's rainy, it's just miserable. Last week, I braved temperatures in the low 40's to go out and tend to my pool and backyard, just so I could pretend it was springtime again. At least the days are starting to get a little longer.

I want to go fishing. I want to go to the beach. I want to grill shrimp and steak and sip a cold beer while the waterfall fills my yard with calm trickling noises.

Recently I was rediscovering Jake & The Half Conched Band's lullaby called Current Conditions. It's fantastic. I recently spent half a day really practicing it on the ukulele. I now know it by heart. It's on his Life On The Gulf CD. If you don't have it... you gotta get it.

Current Conditions
By Jake & The Half Conched Band
Life On The Gulf - 2007

The weather man..... paints a picture of my dreams
As he describes the conditions along the gulf stream
It's a life made perfect just for me.

The taste of salt... on the rim of a margarita glass
A back porch view of Perdido Pass
The rest of the world can just kiss my ass

It's eighty-four but it feels like ninety
The sun is setting and the pressure is steady
The winds are out of the South, and you can see for miles
The forecast leaves me wishin' that I was in the current condition

I close my eyes... I'm right back in Calypso Cafe'
Listening to ol' John Reno Play
As I watch the sun call it a day

I feel the breeze... gently stirring the evening air
It carries away all of my cares
And for a moment, it's like I'm there

It's eighty-four but it feels like ninety
The sun is setting and the pressure is steady
The winds are out of the South, and you can see for miles
The forecast leaves me wishin' that I was in the current condition

What Stage of Parrothead-ism are you in?

The authorities at the Palm Beach Parrot Head club wrote a small piece that constitutes the definitive work on what actually constitutes a Parrothead. This is an excerpt from that piece entitled:

10 Stages of A Parrot Head

1. Jimmy Who...Who the hell is Buffett, oh that guy who did (choose one)
a. Margaritaville
b. Cheeseburger in Paradise
c. Why don't We Get Drunk and Screw.
d. Spells Buffett with one "t"

2. Oh it's with two "t's"
Buys "Songs You Know by Heart" because he heard "that one song" at a party. Starts hearing all about the wild concerts and openly declares to the world that he/she is a parrot head. Goes out and buys thatHawaiian shirt they wanted all their life, or at least since last week.

3. Look at me, I'm a parrot head.
Goes to a Jimmy Buffett concert and is amazed by all things parrothead. Loved the show but can't remember any of it through the alcoholic haze.

4. One Particular Parrot
Decides they should buy a few more albums so that the old timers will stop laughing at them when Jimmy plays "One Particular Harbour" and he/she says "that's a great song, I've never heard it."

5. Domino College
Buys the box set so they don't have to buy all the old albums. Still gets laughed at or ignored because they've never heard "Migration", and "Cowboy", The good news is she/he knows "Fins" well enough to move his/her hands the right way at the concert.

6. Buffett is God
Starts collecting the albums, buys a couple more Hawaiian shirts, maybe even a coconut bra. Has two concert tees, and a subscription to the Coconut Telegraph. Suddenly has a burning need to find out allthat is Buffett. Considers Buffett to be GOD, 'though they've never heard the song "God's Own Drunk". Actually believes Buffett is a beach bum.NOTE: Some people never get passed this stage...

7. Say it Ain't so Jimmy.
Is reading everything there is on Buffett and is getting a little disillusioned. They are closing their ears and screaming "say it ain't so" when people criticize their "hero". No one stays at this stage for very long They either punt and return to Stage 6 or move to Stage 8.

8. Screw Buffett...
Accuse Buffett of being a heretic, Accuse him of selling out ... and all the concerts sound the same...Screw Buffett; This is also a dead end stage for many fans. Cancel subscription to CT, complains aboutconcerts and new records and every other money grubbing venture Mr. Margaritaville is wrapped up in. Hates it when his/her non parrothead friends label him/her a parrot head.

9. My name is ...... and I listen to Buffett music.
Comes to the realization that Buffett is human, and deals with it, with the help of other Buffett fans or some internal strength. Understands the myth, and to some degree, the man who created it and finds compromise somewhere between stage 6 and stage 8. Can't buy anymore albums because they have them all, already. Enjoys the music for what it represents, which is why they bought it in the first place and ignore all the other bullshit as best as possible, without forsaking their own moral standards.

10. [Settled In]
If you reach stage nine and still continuously listen to Buffett and enjoy the concerts and the lifestyle....you, my friend, are a Parrothead.

My Parrothead Conversion Story

I suppose my love for tropical music began about 2 and a half years ago. My older brother had come down for a visit and insisted that I listen to some Buffett tunes with him in the mall parking lot while we waited for our wives to finish shopping. By the end of the 3rd track of Don't Stop The Carnival, I knew I had found something special.

Soon after, I bought Buffett's Barometer Soup album and learned every word to every song. The themes and stories behind the songs told me that this wasn't just novelty music. This was sophisticated storytelling wrapped in sweet guitars and steel drums.

I had always liked country music, but I just never shared the American Country Music scene's affinity with horses, rodeos, cowboys, rednecks, big hats and pickup trucks. So while I liked the music, the subjects never really struck a responsive chord within me. However, being a child of the water (I grew up on the Gulf Coast. My family actually had a small shrimp boat when I was a teenager, and I had spent great time near the ocean in the Coast Guard) I immediately understood the connection between the country sound and ocean life.

Growing up, my life was filled with music. My dad was an old-style honky-tonk singer in the early 60's, touring the North Texas bar circuit. At the age of 12 I seriously began playing guitar and played in bands until my marriage at the age of 21. After that, my performances were typically limited to campfire gatherings or just entertaining my kids and their friends in the living room.

Not long ago, my boss gave me a Martin D-38 for Christmas (I know) and I fell in LOVE with the sound. Also, I've begun playing the ukulele, and guess what? I'm pretty darned good! :-) In fact, I play my uke way more often lately. I even took the ukulele to Jamaica with my family in November and my daughter and I sang Bob Marley's Three Little Birds in the resort talent show together. It really was magical.

So, two years after the mall parking lot experience, I've got 2 Buffett concerts under my belt, I've visited 4 different Margaritaville Cafe's in 2 different countries and I've built a website to monumentalize the genre that feeds my soul.

Where Is Your Own Personal Margaritaville?

Jimmy talks a lot about his early days in the Catholic church and how he grew up fearing for his eternal soul.

Similarly, I was also a member of a large, organized, world-wide church. Everything I had (my time, my talents, my energy and mostly, my money) went to fund the ideas and dreams of others, who supposedly knew better than I, what I should be doing with my life. It seemed that everything was scripted for me.

Then, one day a couple of years ago, I decided to live by the choices and virtues that I felt were right and good rather than by those imposed upon me by old white men who were convinced they had an "in" with God.

Everyone needs their own personal Margaritaville. So where is my Margaritaville? I think I've found it. My own personal Margaritaville is a small, square office without windows where I spend roughly 50 hours per week to pay for the things I need on my own trip around the sun. The weather is always fine... a brisk 72 degrees and an endless supply of diet coke from the soda machine next door. I have a fan, a comfortable chair, and a never-ending resource of music, courtesy of Radio Margaritaville. I also get to see what other Parrotheads are up to by checking in at BuffettNews.com.

I'm thankful that at this season of my life I've discovered how to live easier, while loving more and worrying less. Over the last few months, I feel like I've FINALLY started to learn how to live. And, I've learned that living isn't about what you're doing... it's about how you're doing. And right now, I'm doing just fine.

What IS Trop Rock, Anyway?

Someone recently asked me "What IS Trop Rock, anyway?"

Errr... not such an easy answer, when you think about it, I guess. But, being an ambassador of the lifestyle, so to speak, I've given it some thought and I think I finally know the answer. In short, Trop-Rock is a group of musically similar styles that appeal to those who feel a strong affiliation or connection to the tropics.

Trop Rock is broken up into a subset of tropical genres that can be identified as:

Tropical Jazz - as in Jimmy Buffett's Creola, Gene Mitchell's Tropical Express or James Taylor's Only A Dream In Rio. Cool, smooth jazz and sophisticated chord progressions create a soft mood with equatorial rhythms, accentuated by subtle percussion sounds with easy stylized melodies.

Island Country – exemplified by Buffett's classic, Margaritaville, Alan Jackson's It's Five O'clock Somewhere, and any tune from Brent Burns' CD, Ragtops And Flip Flops. Although the instruments and chord progressions are certainly derived from American Country music, the lyrics and percussion instruments used to create the tropical, vacation-like mood are evident. It's usually within this realm that newbie Parrotheads discover their tropical side. As one veteran Bubba follower once said, "Just go to the store, buy the A1A CD and learn every word. The rest will happen on it's own".

Latin-Tropic or Spicy Island – This is a relatively new and experimental area for Trop Rock troubadours, usually reserved for the most experienced and secure artists. Jimmy Buffett's Party At The End of The World, Kelly McGuire's It's A Mystery, and Captain Quint's Port Royal are a few that exemplify this wonderful set. Distinctively Latin rhythms and island percussionists drive emotionally charged, exciting songs, usually in a minor key. The chord progressions are typically very sophisticated as compared to the more traditional Island Country subset. If you want to get a Parrothead party going from the get-go, just throw on Everybody's Got A Cousin In Miami and let it rip.

Island Rock – This is an easy one and easily the favorite of many Buffett fans. Not only did Jimmy Buffett invent this style, he has continued to hone and perfect it, setting the standard for other budding artists like him. Funloving, flavorful tunes that incorporate the most familiar instruments, rhythms and sounds include, Coconut Telegraph, Lage Nom Ai, One Particular Harbor, Jolly Mon Sing, Havana Daydreamin' and the like.

Ultimately, it's up to every island enthusiast to determine his or her own set of standards for what constitutes a true Trop Rock song. New artists are already breaking into the scene, creating their own unique styles and gaining their own following. A good example is Jack Johnson. How could anyone ever classify Jack Johnson? I certainly can't. And then there's the new invasion of the Pacific Islanders led by Jake Shimabukuro, Jeff Peterson and Bobby Ingano.

The good news is that there's really no end to all the good that world music can bring. In the immortal declaration of Rufus (referring to the music of Ted "Theodore" Logan and Bill S. Preston, esquire) he states that [their] music would help peace come to the world, there would be no more poverty, the planets would come into alignment, and there would be universal harmony. Personally, I'd like to think there's something to that.